omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
