It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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