ya dads aren't the best wingmen
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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