I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
