So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
