Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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