Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
