Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
