you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
