im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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