Already got asked if we're dating
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
