she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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