I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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