Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
