and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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