okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did you pee in the oven last night??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
