yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
