1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The uberlube is also flammable
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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