Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
