false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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