hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just invented taco cereal.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
