Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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