What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
