He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
