so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
