Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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