My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
