i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
