Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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