The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
