Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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