he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
