I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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