I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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