Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
