so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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