Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
