Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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