why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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