Me. At least after what I've been through.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
