We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
