i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a search helicopter?!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
