Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
