This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
