when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dignity is for republicans.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
