Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
