high people should be assigned attendants
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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