I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
