Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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