people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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