i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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