I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
