I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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