I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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