Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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