I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
third nipple confirmed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
