thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
