My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
