You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
