So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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