We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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