I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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