So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
