I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize