I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
