i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
