It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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