i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
